Thursday, May 28, 2009

A Day at the Office

This is my job for AMP Energy at NASCAR events. I pimp Dale Earnhardt, Jr.'s ride to his disciples who would do anything for a chance to do a 360 degree burnout. You'll see why*:

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...



HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!

And...scene.

* I also shot this and edited it...in my sleep...while solving world hunger...and curing cancer...and sleeping.

RIPFEST 10 on Fire!

RIPFEST 10 was a huge success, and so was the after party...until the venue caught fire. Then it was an even huger success.



And...scene.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I Like the Puppets Much Better Than the Players

Nike's ad wizards never cease to amaze me.





And...scene.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Friday, May 15, 2009

Big Papi Needs a Big Nappy



I love you, Papi, and I always will, but I think it's time you sat out for a while. I can't imagine how crushed your confidence must be, especially after your 0-7 and 12-runner-stranding effort in yesterday's very winnable 12-inning loss to the Angels. But I'm starting not to care.

I know, I know, it's up to Tito to sit you, but I'm hoping that if he won't sit you that you'll sit yourself. I hope you come around because we can sure use you. But right now you're only hurting us as much as you used to help us so significantly and so consistently over the years.

If it's over for Big Papi, then I say to you, David Ortiz, you are forever a Boston hero, and you will be missed tremendously. I hope you can come back, but only after you sit out for a while and relax. You deserve a break, big guy. Carrying a city on your shoulders year after year must be exhausting.

And...scene.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Why I'm Out of Shape

I really thought I was onto something with the "German Shepherd as weight set" innovation.



And...scene.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Reconsidering "The Pucker"

Maybe it's because it's more of a scowl than a true pucker (or maybe I'm just flip-flopping because she's hot and I don't care about anything because I'm quadruple B - Bordered By Beautiful Babes), but I might be rethinking my position on "the pucker" after all.



They really like me! Whoops. Looks like I J.I.M.P.

And...scene.

Friday, May 1, 2009

"The Circuit", Episode 5

More of the same from my series, "The Circuit".



Alex Hornstein is (ready? All together now) WICKED SMAHT!

And...scene.