I went to famous minor television personality John Hodgman's book signing at Barnes & Noble in Union Square tonight. While we waited for Mr. Hodgman to finish his Daily Show taping and get his tuxedoed ass to the podium, Jonathan Coulton performed many classics (my favorite was his oh-so-tender, ballad-ized cover of "Baby Got Back" by the ever-underrated wordsmith, Sir Mix-A-Lot) to the delight of the many Hodgephiles, or, if you will, Hodgemen.
I did not have time to purchase a book before getting in line to confront my old nemesis, so I waited completely bookless, much to the chagrin of the many Barnes & Noble book-signing-line expediters. When they asked me for my copy so they could shave 1.3 seconds off my wait time by "prepping it" for signing, I said, "I don't have it, but it's okay. John and I are old friends, and I have something special."
When I finally reached him, I told him I would buy his book if he would sign a piece of paper admitting that he stole my career. He agreed, but insisted that he write his confession on my bald head instead of on impersonal paper. I acquiesced, offering him my scalp as he went to work. I then purchased "More Information Than You Require" and went home satisfied that our long conflict was finally resolved.
When I got home, I looked in the mirror and realized I had been taken in again by this bespectacled inveigler.