Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Fisk=Love

Hodgman brought my attention to this bit of brilliance by a gentleman I know only as "Matthew". His mission: to make classic love poems more bearable by substituting the word "love" with "Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame Catcher Carlton Fisk".


"Love" willing the ball fair in Game 6 of the 1975 World Series

It works for "that guy". ("That guy" = Masshole Boston fan = me.)

And...scene.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dirty Talk Dos and Don’ts

Embrace your inner vixen's vocabulary.

read more | digg story

And...scene.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

My Famous Mouth



Apparently my communication "skills" in the bedroom are front-page-worthy on Tango. Jill is exploiting me for fame and fortune.

That's my girl!

And...scene.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Deal With It!

In this article by Pat Forde of ESPN.com, one Olympic swimmer (Milorad Cavic) thinks what Michael Phelps is doing in (and to) these Olympics (making them his BITCH!) is actually a bad thing for the sport. REALLY??!!! If not for Michael Phelps, nobody is watching these Olympics, let alone swimming! Okay, sure, people would watch here and there, but the only thing truly memorable in the Olympics since the Miracle on Ice of 1980 is the utterly ridiculous dominance of Michael Phelps.

Also in the article, one multi-medal winning swimmer (Katie Hoff) whose inspiring accomplishments - along with every other Olympian's - have been essentially drowned in the American superfish's wake of aquaperfection, revealed probably more than she wished to when she said, trailing off at the end, "I don't really think it's fair...Michael doing what he's doing is incredible, but it kind of makes the rest of us look …" How about really jealous? Get over it, Salieri! He's just that much more gifted than every incredibly gifted athlete at the Games in Beijing, or perhaps at any Games anywhere ever. His accomplishments and the hype they deserve do not take anything away from what anyone else is doing in these Olympics. Only those other athletes can take away from their accomplishments by whining about how they're getting no attention. You want attention? WIN 8 FUCKING GOLD MEDALS IN ONE OLYMPICS!!!

Oh, wait. He's only won 6 so far. He sucks.

And...scene.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

What's Funnier...?



I was upstairs earlier, importing some of my favorite lines from "Wedding Crashers" into GarageBand (nothing gets your attention like a ringtone that says, "Why don't you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood," or, "Well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me") while Jill was downstairs, writing. I was laughing my ass off, naturally, but trying to control it so as not to disturb her, but to no avail.

When I came downstairs, I apologized for the noise and explained my task. She sighed with understanding and even relief - not because of the irresistible humor of "Wedding Crashers", but because she assumed I was howling at our most recent Netflix arrival:

"Ohhhhh! I thought you were watching 'Marathon Man'."

All I can say is, "Is it safe? [sounds of dental torture]" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

And...scene.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Look, Ma! I Can Draw!


Duhhhhh, I made this with my iPhone. Yay, me! Franks and beans!!! Have you seen my baseball?

And...scene.

Odd Crime Scene

I came home to this the other day. So pointless! I have no idea who started this battle, but it looks like it started off as a play fight that just got out of control. WHY?!!!



And...scene.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Lookalike Time!

Jill just pointed out that Lauren Hutton looks a bit like Willem Dafoe. I concur. What do you think?



I wonder if Dafoe is a loud popcorn eater. Looks like Chloe Sevigny is, though.



And...scene.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Casualties

I think I just lost a friend because of my last post. Guess he's a big Lauren Hutton fan. I had no idea.

And...scene.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Get Your Popcorn Ready



Just saw "Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson" at the Angelika. Definitely go see this amazing and unsettling documentary. And I highly recommend watching "One Bright Shining Moment", a documentary about George McGovern's 1972 presidential campaign, to add some context.

Great movie, but that's not why I'm blogging. I just had to let you know that the loudest popcorn-eater on the planet was there at the theater. Oh, and she came in about 30 minutes late and noisily adjusted her plastic shopping bags for a minute or two while she got settled before she started crunching popcorn with her mouth open for the next 90 minutes. Oh, and she was Lauren Hutton!

I had no idea that it was she until the movie was over and my friends, Wayde and Greg, got a good look at her leaving while I had gone off to the men's room.

It's good to know that celebrities can go out in public in New York City and just be themselves without worrying about being ridiculed for it.

I wonder if the gap in her teeth somehow amplifies the sound of crunching popcorn.


And...scene.