Monday, June 2, 2008

The Pirate I Love

Wait! I know what you're thinking. I've gone completely overboard and finally taken out my compounding frustrations on Jill.

No way, dude. I would never sock her in the eye. She's much too quick for me to ever land a punch. And then she'd kick my ass with her killer guns that put Denise Austin's to shame. No, I only strike out at inanimate objects (notice the dent on the freezer in the background? Whoops).

The reason for the patch? Well...[Inhale deeply and read aloud in one breath like Ace Ventura] Jill couldn't wear her contact lenses because she had a stye on her eye and she couldn't wear her glasses because they were "in the shop" getting what I call a re-lensing and she couldn't see the screen in front of her to write so she tried the ol' "throw in one contact lens and see how many minutes it takes for you to get violently ill" method which of course didn't go so well. [Inhale] So then she made me escort her royal blindness to a great pharmacy I know that has many useful items like the patch featured above and of course I paid for the patch because I am a gentleman and a lover of all things pirate and I almost forgot the reason for the patch in the first place was to try the ol' cyclopean contact lens method while blocking the other eye like a drunk driver seeing double* and then...[Inhale] she called her doctor who told her it would be fine for her to wear both her contacts even with the stye.

So after all that she submitted to this picture so I could at least get my two dollars' worth.


* I do not condone drunk driving under any circumstances! And click it or ticket! And give a hoot, don't pollute!


Anonymous said...

I had always wanted to wear Contact lenses because I want to change the color of my eyes. And what color do I want? Green! Yup some people may find this weird but I would love it if my eyes were green because I find it unique and interesting. Well I‘ve found good ones from a site online and I’m very happy coz I found them with great price at via this link:
Even I love Green colors I can accept Ur recommendation if you give me one….

McShowoff said...

Wow, aimable. That's really fascinating. And I don't think it's weird for you to want to have green eyes at all. Nosiree! I agree with your take that it's unique and interesting. Unique AND interesting at the same time! Thank you so much for sharing such a useful link as well. I think I will go to that site and buy every fucking contact lens available! And please don't limit your opportunism to these little sneaky subversive blog comments. Please call me at home while I'm eating or sleeping or working or masturbating and tell me about all your amazing offers. And the best part about me replying to your comment is that I know you're not even a fucking person, but a damn spam-bot. So Aimable, I say go fuck yourself, and happy sales!