Sunday, June 1, 2008

All or Nothing

This guy is Mike Jacobs. He's a pretty effective slugger for the Florida Marlins with 13 home runs and 33 RBI's this season. His batting average could use a little help at a mediocre .258, and his on-base percentage is truly anemic at .298. So this guy's probably not gonna work a walk in the top of the ninth, down a run. To be fair, at 6'3" and 215 lbs, fans are paying to see this guy take wicked big cuts, not demonstrate the patience of a blue agave farmer.

What am I getting at here? Basically this guy either hits a dinger or he gets out. All or nothing every at bat.

Now I know all you crazy baseball experts are saying, hey, he's not Richie Sexson all-or-nothing, hitting a pathetic .200. Relax, I know. I really just wanted to show this guy because I hate how he wears his hat. Seriously, dude, this is your Major League Baseball picture, your professional calling card, and you look like a 3-year old with your hat covering and mashing your left ear. Why don't you throw in a bug-juice mustache while you're at it? Is it me? It's him, right?

But I digress...I realize that my life has been pretty much all or nothing lately. Hell, fuck lately (I did! Um...I don't know what that means either). I mean my whole life. And it really is hard not to get depressed when you're looking for the big game-changing hit every at bat. So I think I'm gonna try to take it a bit easier and watch a few pitches go by, and then just try to put the ball in play and see what happens.

Then maybe I won't pummel my phone while I'm on hold with TiVo for over an hour because the replacement they sent me for my faulty Series3 is also quite faulty.

Sure, it feels good when I do it, but then the shame sets in. Not to mention the swelling.

Wish I had the patience of a blue agave farmer.



Jill said...

I kinda wish you did, too. Guess I shouldn't have thrown out that spare phone I had.

Jacob Karnas said...

DO NOT use your blender anytime soon. I'm afraid of the consequences of you not heeding this warning.