Monday, May 5, 2008

No Free Rides

Here it is: the "Top Gear" audition paragraph I had to turn in to my agent that will launch me into fame and fortune. I hope they don't think I'm some kind of "hooker" fanatic.

I love cars so much that I don’t own one anymore. I would not want to put any car of mine through the agony of living in Brooklyn again. I had a brand new 2003 Mini Cooper for a few years – the perfect car for a busy city. Ah, but the guilt of the abuse I put her through (the potholes, the stops and starts in traffic, the bumper bumps and the occasional neighborhood kid throwing a pal onto the roof) for such a limited amount of actual driving (usually just to the other side of the street for street cleaning twice a week) compelled me to let her go. And now to fill the void I simply rent whenever I feel the urge to drive somewhere. Sure, I don’t have any kind of meaningful relationship when I hire a sexy but somewhat trashy Mustang convertible, or a spunky and feisty little Dodge Caliber, or even a sensible yet eye-catching Mazda CX-7. But I don’t have to care about them either. And I get a nice variety, too. From a mousy Chevy Aveo, to an athletic Hummer H2, to an elegant Cadillac DTS, for better or worse I can experience them all. I pay for their services and say goodbye, and that’s working just fine now, thank you.

And...scene.

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