Thursday, May 15, 2008

I've Finally Influenced Someone

Jill has at last succumbed to my never-ending barrage of topic-appropriate (or inappropriate) movie quotes:


For years, for no good reason except to hear my own voice and of course to emulate that heroic Everyman, Clarke Griswold, I have asked her, "You know what I think?" (That is not an exact quote of Beverly D'Angelo of course, but it is a perfect lead-in for the one-man version of the "Vacation" flip-out scene.)

And for the first two years of our relationship, even after unwillingly hearing me quote this entire monologue several times, she didn't get the hint and would innocently ask, "What?" Then I'd say in my best Chevy Chase voice, which is not particularly good, "I think you're all fucked in the head," and would continue the monologue until she'd throw one of Keely's toys at me which would, regardless of what direction she actually threw it in, inevitably hit me in the nuts.

Now Jill knows to respond automatically to this old standard with "You think we're all fucked in the head?" And we bond. If she doesn't, I continue the monologue while covering my junk.

Another adjustment Jill has had to make since we've been together is to eliminate the word "lotion" from her vocabulary. It is understood that if she ever says "lotion", I blurt out in my best Buffalo Bill voice (and it is quite good, I must say), "PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!" Not that original, I know, but as I said, I do a really good Buffalo Bill voice.

Movies really do rule our lives. At least my life. And I use their pervasive influence in all my interactions to annoy - and eventually control - those I love.



Sue Doe-Nim said...

I've come to the conclusion that Jill is, in fact, a martyr.

McShowoff said...

Oh, absolutely no doubt about it. Jill is a martyr of the highest order:)